openness and honesty are so important

japaneesee:

eirstegalkin:

in a healthy, close relationship of any kind, when something upsets you, you need to bring it up. as soon as possible, even. cultivate an environment in which you both can talk about things that upset you, with the utmost attention to everyone’s feelings. it’s a really simple thing to do but it’s a thing i’ve been working on for a while and i’m getting actual nice things happening as a result

when my SO does something that upsets me, i pretty much follow this process

keep some space for a few hours and think about what upset me, and WHY it upset me

figure out if i’m justified in being upset, or if i’m just letting things like jealousy, resentment, guilt, physical discomfort, or a bad day cloud my judgment

write down all the points i need to bring up to my SO when i confront them

call or sit down with my SO and clearly explain from moment one that i’m upset with them, and i want to calmly explain why i’m upset without interruption, and then we’ll take turns explaining our feelings and finding a solution without judgment or anger.

it feels really clinical and a bit unnatural, but it’s the best way to resolve a problem without an argument, and with both parties feeling much better afterwards. communication is super duper important in a relationship and the kind of communication is just as important. letting things fester inside of you and unleashing it all at once in a moment of weakness is equally as bad as overreacting the moment it upsets you.