My heart flutters at the slightest hint of his smile. “Thank you,” I said, accepting his compliment gracefully, hardly daring to believe he actually liked what I said. I took a deep breath and continued to stare into his hardened eyes.
“The lowest point,” I began. “That’s easy. When my anxiety and depression got so bad that I lost control of my life. I was scared of everything. I couldn’t take care of myself. I lost sight of who I was. I had to enter outpatient therapy at a hospital to get back on track again and regain control of my life. And now here I am, stronger for it.” I waited nervously for his answer and next question once again…
(Sara/slightlystrangesimmer on my personal blog)
He lightly scoffs.
“You’ve been through so much in such a short life,” he meets your joined hands with his free one, holding it over your hand very gently. He wraps his fingers around you and rubs the back of your hand with his thumb as he lets his eyes soften for just a moment.
“What happened to you to cause something that strong?”
You’ve been through so much in such a short life. His words echoed through my mind. Oh Kai, I thought, if only you knew the half of it.
His gentle touch sent tingles up my spine and set fire to the pit of my stomach. I struggled to concentrate on answering his newest question.
“Oh my,” I began shakily. “The easier question to answer would be what didn’t happen.” I paused, thinking how best to explain.
“I was diagnosed as depressed and suicidal at age 15. At the point in my life that this mental and emotional collapse occurred, I wasn’t managing my condition very well. I had recently escaped an abusive relationship, packed up and moved to start anew, and recently started at a new job that was too stressful for me to handle. It all sort of snowballed from there until it got to the point where I was almost constantly breaking down and panicking. Finally when I admitted to myself that I wasn’t functioning or even really living at all, I sought out professional help. There have been darker moments in my past, though,” I finished with a dark chuckle, wondering what he would say next.
He kept his eyes trained on her features, mapping every time they changed and how they moved in conjunction with what she was saying. He stayed silent and kept the room cool.
“Well…” he spoke slowly, “indulge me. What is one of those ‘darkest moments?’“
I wanted to melt under his gaze. It was oddly comforting instead of intimidating. I felt as if he truly cared and was interested in what I had to say. I swallowed thickly, my heart still pounding with desire and need, and I wondered if Kai could hear it.
“My mom kidnapped me from my father when I was ten. She came and picked me up from a friend’s house. I got in the car, not understanding what was happening. We drove so long that we crossed state lines. We met up with a strange man. At least, he was strange to me. My mom knew him. They treated me nicely and bought me lots of toys. My mom asked me if I wanted to leave my dad and come live down here with her. I was having fun, and still didn’t understand, so I said yes. At night we went to an American Legion where I was the only child there and people were smoking and drinking at the bar. My mom let me use a pay phone to call my dad. Him sobbing on the other end was not something I expected. The sound of his voice is something that still haunts me to this day. We stayed overnight at a hotel, and I slept with my clothes on because that’s all I had. I don’t remember what happened when we came home. I don’t know why my dad didn’t press charges. I don’t know how, after a stunt like that, my parents are still together to this day. I want answers. But I don’t want to be the one to bring up something so traumatic when they are both so happy.”
My voice was raw and unemotional. My cheeks flushed as I felt utterly exposed now. Once again I wondered what Kai thought and what would happen next. Maybe he would slap me for talking too much. Maybe he would think I was a freak. Or maybe he would continue to sympathize with me. I tried to keep my body calm as I anxiously waited.
His eyes softened, still unblinking.
“It must be so horrible holding onto something that weighs on you so heavily.”
Kai scoots in his chair and straightens himself up without breaking their pinkie chain. After situating himself, he returned his focus to the girl sitting across from him.
“I hope one day that you can speak openly to your parents about this, or find some sort of peace. I understand what it’s like to hold onto pain from your parents.” He paused.
“If there’s anything I can urge you to do after we’re done here, talk to your parents. Make amends for yourself, while you still can.” He briefly looked down at the floor, but coughed and looked back up.
I was taken by surprise. I never expected to see you so emotional, and I wasn’t sure how to react. I watched as you looked at the floor and then scooted in closer to me. I shifted my feet under the table nervously, knocking them softly against yours. I cleared my throat before I continued.
“I’ll…I’ll try. To talk to them,” I said quietly and with a deep breath. “They leave for vacation this weekend. I’ll have the house to myself all week which will give me some time to think about I wanna approach this whenever they get back.” I casually but purposely mentioned having the house to myself, but I wasn’t really sure why. I looked away momentarily before leaning in closer to you.
“I’m sorry, Kai,” I began gently. “I didn’t mean to bring up bad memories for you. I…I can leave you alone now if you want.” I gazed at you intensely, hoping your answer would be no.
“Good.”
He returned to his near-perfect posture, eyes locked back onto yours with an intensity that surpassed the way he watched you before. The empathetic features he bore melted away to reveal a statue. His pinky tightened as his eyebrows rose, giving off a distinct, ‘really, now?’ feeling.
“Why would you want to leave? We’ve barely started.”
The sudden hardening of your features frightened me. I almost yelped painfully when your pinky squeezed mine even harder. I felt as if I might lose blood circulation to it. But I didn’t say anything, not wanting to appear weak.
“I-I don’t want to leave,” I mumbled quietly, averting my eyes nervously. “I, um, just meant that, well, maybe you wanted to stop or something if-if I, uh, had taken things too far for you…” I trailed off, my cheeks heating up as I felt incredibly stupid right now. I wanted to close my eyes and disappear, you probably thought I was such an idiot right now.
His finger loosened slightly, just enough to regain any feeling you may have lost. His eyes, though, never moved.
“I am the furthest a person can go,” he proclaimed to the empty room behind you, “I am the end, the complete picture. Tell me,” he leaned in until his nose sat parallel to your intertwined fingers, “what’s the furthest you would go for a cause you’d believe in? How far does your loyalty reach?”
How do I even answer something like that?! I panicked.
Truth be told, it really depends on the cause. But I had a feeling that you wouldn’t like that answer so much. I thought a bit, my eyes darting around your basement as I did so.
Finally, I opened my mouth to speak. “If it was something I really, truly believed in with all my heart, I would give anything to see it through to the end. Even if it meant giving up my own life. Death doesn’t frighten me. So I wouldn’t be afraid to die for something/someone that meant more to me than myself.”
I swallowed, hardly breathing.
“As for loyalty…my loyalty knows no bounds,” I stated unblinkingly and without hesitation.
I stared at you, my cheeks red and my breathing shallow. Your intensity, your passion, threatened to swallow me whole. And I found myself not giving a shit if it did. To be able to let go of all of my past pain and trauma and lose myself in someone/something else, even if it meant dying, was oddly welcoming and comforting to me.
“What do you mean you’re the furthest one can go? What do you mean you’re ‘the end’, ‘the complete picture’?” I challenged you daringly, raising an eyebrow and smirking.
His eyes narrowed and focused intently onto yours.
“I have thrown away everything I’ve ever known for my cause. A cause that will change the world for the better. I am prepared for the war, I’ll create it myself, if I have to, to reach the best possible end for us. I know exactly how. I know things- I know what it will take to bring America to it’s former glory! I have the key that will set each and every person free from whatever shithole they’ve dug themselves into.
“I am the end. I am the peak of human evolution, and I can bring everyone up with me. Could you say the same about yourself?”
I watched out of my bedroom window (I didn’t care what anyone said, it would always be MY room) as you and the two men pulled up to the house. My deceased heart fluttered with excitement and I smirked at the thought of all the new mischief I could cause. Most of the spirits in here hated when a new family moved in, but I always loved it. Especially if there was a girl involved, which of course, this time there seemed to be. Nora wouldn’t be happy, because it was two men, AGAIN…but I would try to appease her somehow in hopes of her leaving them alone so I could spend some quality time with this new girl, who appeared to be quite cute….
“Why don’t you go ahead and look inside, Tristan,” uncle Hank told me. “We’ll wait for the moving firm out here.”
I nodded and went up to the front door with Belsebub in his carrier. He meowed and growled for some reason but I didn’t pay much attention to it. He was a bit of a grumpy.
I went inside and checked a few of the rooms out. The house was beautiful but my feeling of being inside a horror movie or maybe something out of an Edgar Allan Poe novel didn’t waver. “If I run down the stairs upside down with a crucifix between my legs by next week – promise you’ll kill me,” I told Belsebub as we went up the stairs to what would be my room.
I made sure I was well hidden when you entered the bedroom, a cat clutched in your arms. I studied you carefully as you walked around, an apprehensive look on your face. I could feel your unease. I shifted my weight where I was standing, still invisible. At the slightest hint of my movement, the cat in your arms whipped its head around to look directly at me, it’s green orb-like eyes staring through me, as if it knew I was there. A low, light hiss escaped it’s throat. I smirked slightly. Animals were always so damn smart.
Belsebub hissed and I cradled his furry black body to me. “What is, sweetie? You feel it too? Yeah, feels like I’ve just stepped into a damn Edgar Allan Poe novel. But what can you do? And it’s not forever.” I sat down on the bed with a sigh, scratching behind his ears while I kept talking.
“It’s just this year and then I’m off to college. Or to hit the road if I don’t get in anywhere. And I’ll take you with me. Of course I won’t go without you, Bubby.”
I smiled and picked up my cellphone. “What do you say, wanna hear some Manson?”
I started Spotify and put on Marylin Manson’s Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This) before I dug up my packet of incense in my bag and lit a cone with the scent of eucalyptus. Hopefully that would help me relax. Then I laid down on the bed with a long-haired black cat watching over me
I listened to your monologue carefully. A year, huh? That would be plenty of time to have some fun. That is…if your family even made it that long in this house. I would do my best to keep the other spirits at bay so I could enjoy you as long as I possibly could.
I smiled as Marilyn Manson filled the room. You definitely had good taste in music. I made a mental note to check your playlist later to see if you had any Nirvana on there….
I swept past your bed, still invisible, and made my way into the attached bathroom. As I expected, your cat sprang into action and followed me, stopping at the entrance of the bathroom. I let a soft chuckle escape my lips as your cat studied me. Hopefully you heard me. I wanted to alert you to my presence but not completely frighten you. Not yet, at least.
I looked up as Belsebub suddenly jumped off me and rant to the bathroom. He wasn’t looking for his litter box, he was … studying something. I raised an eyebrow and got up from the bed.
“What is it, Bubby Bub?” I wondered and walked to the doorway of the bathroom, only to meet a pair of dark eyes and an angelic face.
I saw your shocked expression and my dark eyes flickered to yours momentarily before I let myself disappear. I wasn’t ready to fully reveal myself to you just yet, just give you a small taste of what this house had to offer and observe how you handled it. I wanted to get a better feel for you first before I started talking to you. I wanted to make sure everything went right when it came to infiltrating your life and making you mine.
I blinked and then he was gone. What the …? I stupidly ran into the bathroom to the point where he had stood and looked around, even patted the ground.
“He was here,” I said to myself. “Someone was here! And now …” I didn’t finish it because it sounded too stupid. I was no stranger to reading horror novels or watching spooky movies – it was one of my favorite things to do. But I had never believed in ghosts, demons or invisible things that could hurt me existed.
But this … how could I explain this? I wasn’t stoned or drunk. And I doubted that I was seeing things since Belsebub had seen him too. In fact, he had seen him before I did.
The only reasonable explanation …
“Holy shit!” I whispered again and sank down on the bathroom floor as my knees suddenly didn’t support me.
I watched your stunned reaction, including your weak collapse to the floor. Interesting, I thought. You weren’t like most people, who stupidly insisted they were just seeing things. You caught on a lot faster than I expected you to.
Of course, you still knew nothing for sure, and that’s what was so fun about this.
Me: Okay, time to watch more Freakshow.
Inner Me: I don’t wanna, I wanna watch Cult! 😦 *throws tantrum equivalent to that of a toddler*
My Type is Homicidal 