What if it climed out of the couch cushions, revealing itself to be a cute blond Evan with scars, then passed out?

HAHAHAHA, um, I would be horrified, seeing as how I was ready to beat him to death…I would lay a blanket over him and sit next to him and wait for him to wake up, and pet his hair, and then when he wakes up I would give him lots to eat and drink and I would lay him on the couch and make sure he is comfortable and taken care of.